I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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