if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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