I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
