I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
