She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
