there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
