He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize