check it out our google latitudes are spooning
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
