Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
