What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
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Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
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Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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