You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
