I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
