operation harelip BJ is a go
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
