some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
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I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
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Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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