i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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