The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
