Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
All the doctor said was why
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
