I haven't been this sober since birth.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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