mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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