I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
