I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
