i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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