one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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