Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize