What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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