Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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