unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
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You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
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