I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
