The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
