so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
