I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
