so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
