I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
