how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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