i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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