Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
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