Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
