and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
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Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
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I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
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