Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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