great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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