haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
did you just send me my own nude
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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