yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
