It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
