too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
