Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
