i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
