wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
