Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
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the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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