great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
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