Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
