You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
