Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
