Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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