A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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