i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
