Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Randomize
