these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
