Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
