oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
