There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize
