I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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