Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
