Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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